Welcome to The Savvy Sociopath, where every week we bring you new ways to increase the suffering of those less intelligent than ourselves. This post is going to require some basic knowledge of scam, fraud, and social engineering techniques used in the wild. Let’s dive right into that before we get to the good stuff:
- Fake Checks: An old but still popular financial scam wherein the scammer asks the mark to deposit an enormous (fake) check, withdraw part of the funds and return them as cash. The scheme plays on a facade of generosity, since it appears that the scammer is simply giving away the majority of the check’s value. In reality, banks are required by law to make funds available immediately, but they typically don’t clear the transaction till days later. When the check fails to clear, the funds will disappear and the withdrawn value will become a debt in the victim’s account.
- Multi-Level Marketing/Pyramid Schemes: These “businesses” are organizations whose revenue comes from their own “employee’s” pockets. The leaders take in money by requiring employees to buy into their own employment. Each link in the chain buys their own product and then “sells” it to their “hires”, who in turn must do the same. MLM members often “cold-approach” strangers in public places, attempting to establish a rapport before asking the mark to buy in.
There is a beautiful and horrifying symmetry between these two scams. In one, a remote, self-employed scammer gains your trust by faking monetary generosity up front. In the other, a lackey becomes the scammer, and gains your trust via the promise of big money. Remember, the MLM member is employed as a scammer, but he’s already proven himself an easy mark by buying into the MLM in the first place.
Maybe you see where I’m going with this? This plan is not for the faint of heart or non-sociopaths. It’s unethical and legally dangerous at every turn, and wouldn’t even pay very well. I’ll even put a disclaimer:
FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. PROFESSIONAL SOCIOPATH ON OPEN NIGERIAN WATERS. DO NOT ATTEMPT.
1. Meet your mark:
This could potentially be the slowest part of the process. Before you get moving, you’ll need to be approached by an MLM member attempting to “hire” you. The best places to get approached are department stores, grocery stores, gyms, or anywhere else where it’s socially acceptable for someone to “mistakenly” identify you as an old classmate and strike up conversation. It’s a good idea to fish for a mark a few towns away from home, to stay anonymous.
Act enthusiastic and completely ignorant to the absurdity of multi-level marketing, take their business card and make sure you’ve got their complete contact info. Say that you’ll buy into their highest tier of “employment” as soon as you can, but your money’s a little tied up right now. Leave them a proxy contact (fake name and number via Google Voice/SIP) and promise to call soon.
2. Get “funded”:
This is the easy part. Go to craigslist and post a bunch of obviously fake ads for high-demand items. Make sure to include your fake number. Every response you get should be a scam, usually with text like
“Hi I interested in ur iPhone 6G Shrek Edition $300. is it still available Will u can ship it if I pay u 1200$ my dagter needs it but she currently in Nigeria.”
Walk through the scam until the point where they’re asking for payment info. At this point, ask for the check to be made out to the MLM contact’s name, and insist they pay you somewhat more than the MLM buy-in. Have the payment sent to a PO box to avoid giving away your address. You may want to do this a few times in order to find the most convincing fake check, but you should come away with a correctly-addressed but overvalued fraudulent check in your victim’s name.
3. Intermission
When the check arrives, remember to send a glitterbomb or the like to the return address (if applicable) and the address to which you’ve been asked to ship the phone. These will both likely end up in the hands of “mules” rather than the scammer himself, so remember to leave a note to the tune of “stop laundering money for scammers, dumbshit”.
4. Check In:
Now that you’ve got your extra-large novelty check, it’s time to get back in touch with your MLM mark. Call them up and ask to meet up near where you first crossed paths. Restate how excited you are to join the team, and that you’ve got the funds ready and waiting. Say you’re sorry for the inconvenience, but you could only get a check for a too-large denomination and you’ll need them to bring exact change. Pick a meeting place with moderate traffic and no security. Although MLMs are inherently evil, they aren’t illegal and they tend to be very litigious. Even if you think you’re Robin Hood in this situation, you are the criminal here, so it’s important to keep your trail spotless.
From this point on, it’s the standard fake check scam. You give them the check, they give you the “change” (say, $500 worth of 20s) and you fill out the sign-up form with entirely fake information. If you’re feeling especially chaotic, use the address of one of your many nemeses.
5. Disappear
Remember, MLMs are wide-reaching and composed of very dumb rubes with too much time on their hands. It may be up to a month before they realize you aren’t involved, but you don’t want them to spot you, so avoid the places where you would have picked up your mark in the first place. Standard incognito practices apply, don’t use your real name, always check for tails.
That about wraps it up. Tune in next week when we detail the process of convincing your significant other that they’re being stalked by a serial killer.
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